if you are feeling shame, blame, or down on yourself this morning for whatever reason, you have strength, courage, and beauty that you never imagined inside you
Have you ever just had such an awful week that you felt tired to your bones? I mean, felt as though you’re cloaked in weight, a weight that just presses you down and in on all sides? I had one of those kinds of weeks. I’m sure I’m not alone. We all suffer through valleys, and though it can be excruciatingly painful at the time, sometimes we come up on the other side having gained greater insight, wisdom, and compassion for ourselves and others. This morning, I’m still processing through one of the most difficult circumstances I’ve ever encountered in my professional work. I felt that I was being unfairly blamed for things by others who were oblivious to their own part in the unfortunate situation. Okay, I know that everyone probably experiences similar situations at some point in their lives, but this was very personal. When there is an attack on your person, it just goes a little deeper. I was hoping someone would take to my defense; alas, that is not what transpired until after everything boiled over.
So, as I processed what I could have done differently in the situation, I drew the piece above. Yeah, her dimensions are a little off, but you know what, I’m letting go of perfection this morning. As I sketched and erased, sketched and erased over and over, I thought about grit. Not the southern fried comfort food (which I also happen to love), but a characteristic that is defined as courage and resolve; strength of character. I have been tempted to be down on myself, to turn inward and believe that I was wrongful. However, I have begun to realize that I also need to trust my intuition and my own clinical insight. It takes grit, I think, to take responsibility, to take a hit and then get back up. To accept the blame when really, you aren’t to blame, and to stand strong, despite feeling crippled. I am confident that as I continue to learn and grow, fall and get up, grit will keep me going.
If you are feeling shamed, blamed, or down on yourself this morning for whatever reason, trust that you have strength, courage, and beauty that you never imagined inside you. Dig in and know that you are worthy of all things good, bright, and lovely. Dream big and wide, and don’t let other’s *&%#$@! get you down. Set strong boundaries on what’s someone else’s stuff apart from your own. Sending lots of love out to the universe and to those who need an extra dose of courage and strength.
there’s something about being a kid and living life as though it were an adventure
I love kids. When our daughter was a very young child, I was fascinated by her sense of wonder when she discovered something new or was exploring. I loved watching her eat ice cream because the look of pure joy emanating from her face and her tiny, wrinkled up nose were priceless. I loved that she saw and perceived the world through untainted eyes. Everything was like a new adventure. Unfortunately, as we mature, we get exposed to the unkindness in the world; we get hurt by others as well as by our own selves. We learn and grow through positive and negative experiences. That’s just life. But, there’s something about being a kid and living life as though it were an adventure. There’s something special about engaging with kids and capturing that sense of wonder and innocence – That time in life when you have absolutely no responsibility but to live and grow and be nurtured. I was inspired by that sense as I created the piece above.
May we keep on seeking adventure and wonder in our own lives and continually open ourselves up to new possibilities!
I’m inspired by women who are confident, strong, of any body shape, entrepreneurs, yet compassionate and humble. Women who aren’t afraid to break the “mold…”
I’ve been drawing again now for about a month. I was telling a friend recently that it’s been such a surprise to see what materializes on the canvas after I start a sketch. I continue to explore what speaks to me. When I was in middle school, I started sketching and enjoyed drawing, but I never took it any further, as piano was always my first priority. It seems that now, art has taken center stage. I’ve kinda fallin’ in love with it! I have always loved the whimsical, magical, fairy tale, and fantasy, so I think that’s becoming my style.
I’ve been inspired lately by women who don’t subscribe to the typical American beauty standards – you know what I mean… I’m inspired by women who are confident, strong, of any body shape, entrepreneurs, yet compassionate and humble. Women who aren’t afraid to break the “mold” and speak out against body shaming, who are dispelling diet myths and turning toward intuitive eating. Women who are changing the way the world perceives the female gender. Women who inspire me to do better and be better. I struggled with an eating disorder called orthorexia for years. To this day, I catch myself saying negative things about my body. So much wasted time and energy! Now that I’m older, I still want to care for my body, but in a much different way. Self care and self-kindness has become much more of a focus than looking as thin as possible. I’ve been listening to Christy Harrison’s podcast, Food Psych, which is completely changing how I view food and my body. Harrison is a registered dietician nutritionist and certified intuitive eating counselor. I’m not 100% healthy yet in mind or body. It’s a journey. The road is windy, and there are lots of hills and valleys, but I’m trying.
So, the piece above kinda came out of that inspiration…to not conform, to challenge certain ways of thinking, and furthermore, to continue exploring my own creativity just for the sake of creating and enjoying. This is what speaks to me. I hope that in your own journey, you are also exploring what speaks to you and listening to those whispers!
art and creative expression give me hope when I’m feeling depleted and need to re-connect to my heart and soul
This weekend I had the opportunity to volunteer for an event facilitated by TBRI (Trust-Based Relational Intervention) practitioners, Casey Call, PhD and Daren Jones, Training Specialist. The first event was called Trauma-Informed Classroom and the second was a Fost/Adoptive Parent Family Activity Camp. At the camp, fost/adoptive parents learned different interventions based upon the three principles of TBRI (Connecting, Empowering, Correcting). There were sensory bins filled with all kinds of stuff, weighted superhero sock creations, glitter bottle-making, and more in our area, the Empowering Station. I was stationed at the Essential Oils Center, which was awesome because I love essential oils. I talked to fost/adoptive parents and their kids about different essential oils and their properties, e.g., calming, alerting, immune support, etc. Kids got to smell a variety of oils, pick their favorite, and add some drops to a miniature roller ball container (with carrier oil) to take home.
The Trauma-Informed Classroom training was for fost/adoptive parents, teachers, camp counselors, etc., who work with kids from hard places. Attendees learned strategies to help kids who’ve experienced significant trauma in a group/classroom setting and may have difficulties self-regulating or managing emotions. It also provided a brief intro to how trauma affects the brain and neurochemistry, as well as causes gaps in a child’s development, which I won’t get into here. The events gave me hope that fost/adoptive parents can learn an evidence-based approach to help kiddos learn to regulate better and learn to connect with and empower their kids. It gave me hope that there are interventions out there to help fost/adoptive parents, but also that there are parents out there seeking help. The weekend was impacting for all who attended, including the volunteers. It was cool to see parents and kids connecting and having fun together. And the smiles on the kids’ faces were precious.
I created the piece above over the weekend, along with a couple of other sketches, using colored pencils mostly. Although the weekend events were great, I was completely exhausted afterwards. Often in my profession, I feel hopeless that anything I do makes a difference. The work is difficult, but the feeling of reward or gratification is low. Art and creative expression give me hope and fill in the gaps when I’m feeling depleted and need to re-connect to my heart and soul.
Over the last week, I’ve been drawing like crazy. It’s become addictive! I’ve been doing lots of experimenting and exploring. In many ways, the pieces reflect my own personal struggles. The piece above is really about being kind. Kind to myself and others. Probably one of my biggest life values.
The next piece reflects what it feels like to me to be indecisive, like a girl caught behind a barbed wire fence. I struggle with indecision and with often making the wrong decision, in retrospect. I guess another way to to look at my poor decision making is that it’s provided a learning opportunity of some sort. Usually a painful learning experience, but nevertheless, an opportunity to learn and grow. One of the things that I’ve been most indecisive about is my career. I still don’t feel like I’ve found the right one, or if there even is a right one, despite thousands of dollars in student loans I’ve accumulated for a master’s degree. So sad, but true. The things I most love – art, music, writing – do not make for promising or stable careers. I admire those individuals who are able to make a living using their creative talents.
The last piece I think reflects joy because art makes me so happy. I’m planning to buy better art supplies soon so that I can improve shading and adding texture, but for now am happy that I have any supplies at all. So much to explore…Happy drawing!
we’re looking for angels in the darkest of skies
I was at the gym this morning on the elliptical and flipped on the TV monitor to see a CNN broadcast of the latest on the the 12 boys and their soccer coach trapped in a flooded cave in Thailand. The boys all looked so very young and skinny, yet despite their harrowing circumstances, some of the boys smiled and made peace signs. How very brave they are, or are at least trying to be. My heart went out to them and to their coach, who have all been trapped for two weeks. As a mom, I would be beyond worry and panic if my child were trapped for days in a cave. I just can’t even imagine. This in addition to the migrant children who are being separated from their families at the border truly calls for prayer and angels.
As I listened to Spotify via my iPhone while reading the subtitles on the monitor, Chvrches song, “Miracle,” began playing. The lyrics, “We’re looking for angels in the darkest of skies,” resonated as I continued watching the news. I drew this angel as a prayer to the boys and their coach still trapped and to the children who have been separated from their families at the border, hoping and praying that all are reunited with their loved ones soon. It was encouraging to learn that four of the boys in the cave were rescued tonight, but nine still remain trapped as well as the coach. May angels guide the Thai Navy Seals and all of the rescuers during this mission to get all out to safety soon.
I think that dreams are important because they lead to possibility, and who knows where possibility can take us
I have always been a bit of a dreamer. When I was a young girl, I dreamt of acting and singing. In high school, I dreamt of of traveling to Europe. In college, I did have the opportunity to travel abroad. I visited London, England, as well as China, Japan, Thailand, India, New Zealand and Australia. It was such a great experience.
As I’ve gotten older, the dreams I once had have diminished as work, paying off student loans, and other responsibilities became a priority. I have to say that I envy those individuals who are able to make their dreams and passion their livelihood – athletes, artists, actors, writers, etc. Lately, it’s been quite dreamy to take up drawing again. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been exploring different media and trying to find my personal style. It’s been exhilarating. I think that dreams are important because they lead to possibility, and who knows where possibility can take us. So keep on dreaming!