grand symphony

Hey folks! Happy Saturday to you. I have been so inspired to create lately. I’d much rather be drawing and painting or taking some art classes than working. Alas, that is not possible at the moment. I’ve been wanting to make art related to adoption, but have been low on ideas. The piece above came mostly because I wanted to say something to other adoptees. Thus, the salutation, ‘Dear Adopted One,’ popped up, and I wanted to highlight just how important adoptee voices and stories are. In the adoptee community, many of us feel that our voices are the last to be heard – adoptive parents and adoption professionals have long held the mic. Adult adoptees are forcefully flipping the script, however, and changing the scene. We are the truest experts of our own experiences! Our community is vibrant and thriving. Visit Lost Daughters to learn more about this movement.

I worked on “Grand Symphony” over the week and had great difficulty with painting it and with the letter stamps. Grrrrr. Didn’t quite end up exactly how I had envisioned. Practicing patience…There are many, many other adoptees using the creative arts to flip the script. I’m just grateful to make a small contribution.

Cheers…

no judgment

Are there any places in your life at the moment where you need to let go of judgment?

I was watching and learning from a YouTube video recently by Mark Crilley on how to draw more realistic eyes. I liked that he said to draw anything realistic takes patience. I’m not a very patient person. I tend to want to do things right the first time. So practicing these skills is a lesson for me in patience, and furthermore, letting go of self-criticism and judgment toward my own creative work. I have only just begun learning to draw and paint more seriously. I have to remind myself that I’m a novice, I’m exploring and creating for the sake of creating, but it’s tempting to observe other professional artists’ work and feel that I’m very much an amateur. Are there any places in your life at the moment where you need to let go of judgment? Toward self or others? I invite you to let go today!

Cheers!

dear adopted one

Ours is a sacred community of individuals who rise up, speak out, and overcome.

I love that social media allows people all over the world to connect. I remember the first time another adoptee reached out to me in 2011. She was adopted from the same orphanage. It was profound. Social media has allowed me to connect to many adoptees in the U.S. and abroad. I see photos and posts daily that clearly communicate the trauma, loss, woundedness, confusion, and rejection felt by so many of us. And yet ours is a sacred community of individuals who rise up, speak out, and overcome.

My beautiful biological sisters have always said to me how happy they are that I was adopted and experienced a better life, and out of love and respect for them, I don’t post things that I feel may be upsetting to them. They are genuinely compassionate, kind, and forgiving. This morning, I felt inspired to create something adoptee-related. The piece above is part of an angels series I’m creating. To my fellow adoptees, may you know that you are truly precious. And, may you know that your angels are always singing love over you.

spirit angel

I believe that there are angels around us all the time

I believe that there are angels around us all the time. Guides. I have often wished that I could see my own angels. Though I’m unable to see them physically, I like to believe that they are always guiding me. I often pray that I can be attuned to their guidance and able to receive whatever gifts or messages they have to offer, whether it’s encouragement to stay the course or get off at the nearest exit. I hope that I can grow increasingly attuned to their presence. I’ve sketched a couple of different angels in the past, and this is yet another. Not super happy with her eyes, but still very much experimenting and practicing. I think maybe I’ll start an angel series…Hope it gives you inspiration to tune in to your spirit angels!

Cheers!

soul art

there is nothing wrong with discomfort. Pay attention to how it feels…

I was listening to The Power of Sacred Business, Lead from the Heart Series by Shereen Sun this morning. LMFT and founder of DharmaBridge, Kelly Blaser, was the guest. She talked about growing your sacred business and most interestingly to me, about cultural conditioning. Under the larger umbrella of cultural conditioning exists the conditioned mind. Our conditioned minds live inside a conversation about ourselves. I understood this to be how we perceive the messages society throws at us and how we interpret and apply those messages to ourselves. We’re in this space of “conditioned mind” a lot of the time – Kelly explained that we’re hypnotized by it; however, it’s just a conversation in our minds – We’re hallucinated into thinking it’s the truth, and we behave based upon that collective hallucination. Kelly further explained that in our society, there is a conditioning that’s agreed upon. For example, we happen to agree that we are more worthy if we have more degrees…More education and credentials equal more worthiness, which is actually just a construct. This is an example of a culturally agreed upon conditioned belief. Holy cow, I’ve totally bought into this agreement! Furthermore, I believe that I have this overachiever construct due to my own issues related to adoption, which manifests as perfectionism. I thought about how much time and energy I spend on negative self-talk,  trying to achieve more, and avoid the pain that comes with others disliking me. Kelly believes that there is a way to flip this or reframe this conditioned mindset. We have an opportunity to liberate ourselves from anything that goes against our conditioning. The moment you begin to walk through the discomfort, e.g., anxiety, being liked, conflict, self-hatred, etc., you’re in the process of burning away your conditioned patterns. I hate discomfort. I want things to be easy, for pete’s sake. Well, if you can burn away your conditioned patterns, then you begin to return yourself to the truth of who you are, which is infinite possibility. Okay, so it’s a process, maybe a long, uncomfortable process with a lot of heat. Moving through the discomfort helps you find liberation. It’s in the walking…If you can experience the heat of the discomfort and think of it as a kharmic seed that’s being burned away, and if it didn’t burn away it would just take root and create the same conditions you’ve been accustomed to, then you can eventually experience liberation.

I like that Kelly said there is nothing wrong with discomfort. Pay attention to how it feels. The more you can unhook from what you think the discomfort means and actually be with the discomfort, realizing that it’s fine, it’s not a problem, the more you begin to burn away separate self patterns, or the parts of the conditioned mind that perhaps weren’t benefitting you. Drop what was, and step into what’s new.

All of this made a lot of sense to me, as I’ve been in a lot of discomfort lately, and it has been pretty awful. The piece above came out of this discomfort. It was intuitive (as most of my sketches are at this point), and I wasn’t quite sure what would emerge. Soul art, soul practice. At first, I wasn’t happy with how it turned out, but I thought that was perhaps a metaphor for how I felt about myself at the moment. Today, as I finished the piece, I felt a little better about just sitting with the discomfort I feel until it doesn’t feel uncomfortable anymore. I added pink into the background. Pink is a color I associate with warmth, cheer, peace and cotton candy – the good feelies. Maybe that’s my intuition telling me, I’m walking through the heat and doing my best to patiently transform my conditioned mind. I think it’s gonna be awhile. If you’re feeling discomfort today, you’re definitely not alone. It’s a soul journey, and I’m happy to share it with you.

 

grit

if you are feeling shame, blame, or down on yourself this morning for whatever reason, you have strength, courage, and beauty that you never imagined inside you

Have you ever just had such an awful week that you felt tired to your bones? I mean, felt as though you’re cloaked in weight, a weight that just presses you down and in on all sides? I had one of those kinds of weeks. I’m sure I’m not alone. We all suffer through valleys, and though it can be excruciatingly painful at the time, sometimes we come up on the other side having gained greater insight, wisdom, and compassion for ourselves and others. This morning, I’m still processing through one of the most difficult circumstances I’ve ever encountered in my professional work. I felt that I was being unfairly blamed for things by others who were oblivious to their own part in the unfortunate situation. Okay, I know that everyone probably experiences similar situations at some point in their lives, but this was very personal. When there is an attack on your person, it just goes a little deeper. I was hoping someone would take to my defense; alas, that is not what transpired until after everything boiled over.

So, as I processed what I could have done differently in the situation, I drew the piece above. Yeah, her dimensions are a little off, but you know what, I’m letting go of perfection this morning. As I sketched and erased, sketched and erased over and over, I thought about grit. Not the southern fried comfort food (which I also happen to love), but a characteristic that is defined as courage and resolve; strength of character. I have been tempted to be down on myself, to turn inward and believe that I was wrongful. However, I have begun to realize that I also need to trust my intuition and my own clinical insight. It takes grit, I think, to take responsibility, to take a hit and then get back up. To accept the blame when really, you aren’t to blame, and to stand strong, despite feeling crippled. I am confident that as I continue to learn and grow, fall and get up, grit will keep me going.

If you are feeling shamed, blamed, or down on yourself this morning for whatever reason, trust that you have strength, courage, and beauty that you never imagined inside you. Dig in and know that you are worthy of all things good, bright, and lovely. Dream big and wide, and don’t let other’s *&%#$@! get you down. Set strong boundaries on what’s someone else’s stuff apart from your own. Sending lots of love out to the universe and to those who need an extra dose of courage and strength.

Cheers…

innocence

there’s something about being a kid and living life as though it were an adventure

I love kids. When our daughter was a very young child, I was fascinated by her sense of wonder when she discovered something new or was exploring. I loved watching her eat ice cream because the look of pure joy emanating from her face and her tiny, wrinkled up nose were priceless. I loved that she saw and perceived the world through untainted eyes. Everything was like a new adventure. Unfortunately, as we mature, we get exposed to the unkindness in the world; we get hurt by others as well as by our own selves. We learn and grow through positive and negative experiences. That’s just life. But, there’s something about being a kid and living life as though it were an adventure. There’s something special about engaging with kids and capturing that sense of wonder and innocence – That time in life when you have absolutely no responsibility but to live and grow and be nurtured. I was inspired by that sense as I created the piece above.

May we keep on seeking adventure and wonder in our own lives and continually open ourselves up to new possibilities!

Cheers…