melancholy

I haven’t had much time to draw over the past month, as work has really been keeping me busy. In fact, this has been the busiest season yet since moving to California in 2016. Last weekend, I really needed a creative break from reality. I’m experiencing not only how fun it is to draw and paint, but how much it relieves stress and anxiety in my own life. I struggle with social and performance anxiety, which is so ironic given the profession that I chose to work in. I’m surrounded by people all day long, working with clients, families, youth, co-workers, treatment teams, etc.  I put on a smile and very often, “fake it until I make it.” At the end of the day, I crave solitude. Just give me Netflix or Prime and a brownie-a-la-mode (or anything chocolate-y), and I’m good (totally obsessed with “Hanna” and “The Killing” on Prime).

Art can be not only a solitary activity, but used powerfully in group settings for self-exploration, to explore feelings, emotions or to simply let off some much needed steam. When I began the piece above, I was tired, feeling a bit melancholy, and just couldn’t put anymore into my brain. I set out to create something different, and the piece turned out to be one of my favorites. I’m continually struck by the fact that every once in awhile, I actually create something that I truly like. Most of the time, I’m pretty critical towards my own work and don’t like how a piece turns out. But this one I liked, despite the proportions not being exactly right, maybe a little off center. I think that explains my life to a tee right now. There are seasons where you feel that life is a grind, or you’re “killing time” to get to an end goal. These seasons come and go. What I try to hang on to during these rough patches is that ultimately, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. All of the bumps and curves along the way that were perhaps unexpected lead to a lot of growth.

What season are you experiencing right now? May you find something this day that brightens your inner being and brings you peace, even if it’s something as seemingly insignificant as a brownie.

Cheers…

Author: Mj

MSW, MT-BC, pianist, artist, author

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