the warrior

shooting at the walls of heartache, bang bang, I am the warrior

I’ve been inspired lately by the podcast, Possibilitarian, hosted by artist and author, Kelly Rae Roberts, and her Community Care & Engagement Manager, Nichole (I need one of those). I love that the show is so authentic, and honestly, not that well produced – and I mean that in the most uncritical, appreciative way. It’s free-flowing, soul-to-soul dialogue on bravery, tenderness, and achievement. I feel as though I’m sitting in Kelly Rae’s living room having a heart-to-heart conversation with the hosts. In Episode Four, Kelly addresses a question from a listener who dabbles in multiple art forms and feels like she hasn’t yet found her personal style. There were so many things Kelly Rae shared that jumped out at me. Getting into a space of experimentation was the first thing. I don’t like to experiment primarily because I want whatever I create to turn out perfectly. Well, duh…that’s typically not how it goes, especially if you’re a novice like me. I tend to get in my own way. Kelly then spoke about studying the work of an artist(s) that you’re particularly drawn to and living in their style as a starting point. For me, that artist is Kelly Rae. I love her work. The other things that struck me were to keep going; to keep making really bad art until I’m not making bad art anymore, and with experimentation and practice, my style will emerge. To experiment for no other reason than for the pure joy of it. To create for the sake of creating. To silence the noise. That’s a hard one for me because I’m such a little perfectionist – I’m determined to to work on that. My take away is to enjoy the process. Emulate the work of artists who inspire me until my own personal style takes root.

The warrior came as a result of studying Kelly Rae’s art. I was experimenting and wanted to create something that reflected my heritage. Then the song, The Warrior, by Scandal came to mind. I loved that song in the 80’s. I reflected on all the things I’ve processed related to my adoption. Adoptees are warriors. We overcome separation and loss, grief and trauma, racism, identity issues, and other hurts due to not knowing our pasts. I don’t always feel like a warrior, and things don’t always make sense in life. But in art and music, that’s ok.

Author: Mj

LCSW, Music Therapist-Board Certified, Author, Adoptee

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